Another Fucking Wedding

WAH Center

The Williamsburg Art & Historical Center, located in the historic former Kings County Savings Bank building, is an excellent artists' space. For receptions, it offers a relatively low site fee - $1,800 for one floor, $2,800 for two (both large open spaces), and a convenient location. Unfortunately, it is completely unsuitable as a wedding hall.

When Carrie and I arrived, there was a rummage sale going on. My eyes focused on the ratty 1984(?) NYC Marathon T-shirt on a hanger near the door. So much for first impressions.

Inside it got progressively more disappointing. Broken windows, warped floors and no air conditioning. No elevator. And it was dirty. Really dirty. Can't-touch-the-bannister dirty. I figured that the least I could salvage out of our trip to Williamsburg was a quick stop in the bathroom. If anyone needed any more convincing that the WAH Center just wasn't going to work, the bathroom did it.

That bathroom is a death trap: immediately behind an inward-swinging door were six steps leading down to two stalls, and no handrail. Even the warning sign didn't prepare me for the vertigo from the extreme dropoff. At the base of Machu Picchu was a sink and two stalls. Without doors. That are arranged like stadium seating. There is more, but I can't go on.

These problems could potentially be cured by next fall. But, alas, the people running the WAH Center have owned the building for 10 years and need $750,000 just to fix the exterior. I don't see a bathroom ending up high on the renovation list.

Double Life?

Victor Dubinsky: EXPOSED!

In Defense of Marriage Acts

Amidst the congratulations we've been receiving we've also gotten a surprising amount of criticism for even trying to put together a wedding that involves more than a blanket, a frisbee and a grill area in Prospect Park. I don't even know where to begin to respond to some of the responses.

One writer seems upset that we are worried that a venue "will offend [Carrie's] parents' sensibilities." Is that not a rational concern? Carrie and I have the sort of relationship with our parents (and each other's parents, for that matter) that we care about their sensibilities. Yes, it is our marriage, but it we are not the only people who matter.

Some people would agree that ignoring one's parents' wishes is selfish, but feel that they are entitled to be selfish about their wedding - I assume that this manifests itself as either too DIY (catering from White Castle, reception in meat packing plant) or so opulent (orchids, caviar in ice sculpture) that the parents can't see past the cost. Forgive me if I don't apologize because we'd like everyone to be happy when it is all over.

Were you married on the Intrepid by a retired judge? I hope you had a wonderful time. Did you invite your friends over to watch the Super Bowl with chips and guac and sneak in the pastor during halftime? I'm so glad that worked for you. Neither scenario is going to work for us. Because a more traditional wedding means more expense, we are trying to mitigate the costs.

Gowns? Cut flowers? Conspicuous consumption? All we want is to find a space we like that will fit at least 100 people who we very much want to be with so that we can all eat food we will enjoy and dance until we throw it up.

As it turns out, that is daunting too.

Issue Project Room

For the past two weeks I've been researching reception sites with one guiding principle in mind: While our parents don't have to love the space, it can't make them cry.

And for that reason, Issue Project Room was out. The room is small - 1,000 sq feet - and up a flight of stairs, which wouldn't work for the over-70 crowd. (Both my parents are in their 70s, as are their friends.) Plus, it's situated just off the Gowanus Canal, which is kind of like an industrial swamp. While the environs surrounding the Canal don't always smell like sewage, the odds on a warm day aren't good... which isn't to say that the funkiness of the area doesn't have its own kind of charm. I like the Gowanus. I walk across it often when I'm out delivering magazines. But it would make my mother cry.

I mention the Issue Project Room only because it illustrates how disillusioned I've become with the whole reception-site-hunting process after only two weeks. I must have called or emailed every "affordable" site in the city and even those are out of our price range. So I dug up the Issue Project Room contact info.

The Room is a nonprofit organization serving local artists; my friend Kurt knew one of the guys and recommended the place when I was organizing a party last year. It doesn't come with any amenities -- no tables, chairs, linens, etc. We would just be renting the space, so I figured it'd be cheap. At the very least, Charles and I could have it as a fallback. So I sent an email asking for a price quote.

And the response? Cost for an evening rental: $3,000. When I expressed surprise, I was told that the cost includes "a large outdoor territory." In other words: a swamp. It includes a swamp.

One down

We thought this would take longer, but we've found someone to officiate at the service. It's a relief. Now we can focus on the canapes.

To budget or not to budget

So Charles and I got engaged a couple of weeks ago, and since I'm your classic Type A personality, I immediately started to look into reception sites and expenses - even though the wedding is a good year away.

Man oh man. I had no idea... If the average wedding in the U.S. costs $24,000, the average wedding in New York must be twice that. But spending even $24,000 on a wedding is, for us, not an option. $24,000 is roughly what I earn in a year. Given the choice of taking a year off from work or having a traditional wedding, there's no question that I'd rather bank the money and buy time.

$2,000 for flowers = 50 hours laying out biology curriculum
$3,000 for photographer  = 75 hours of HTML coding
$400 on centerpieces = speaking at Ibiblio symposium in North Carolina
$1,000 for wedding dress = 25 hours of designing e-commerce website

It's widely known that the "wedding" version of anything - food, photography, invitiations - can be reliably estimated to cost 3x the price. A wedding reception costs more for a space rental than a party, etc.

Still, I can't bring myself to concealing my wedding planning when calling places for price quotes.... and it only makes me resent these businesses all the more because, somehow, if I don't say "wedding" I'm the asshole.

Anyway, in order to feel that my efforts to pull this thing off have some redeeming social value, I thought I'd periodically share some observations here. I doubt I'll be posting regularly or often, but it's nice to have a sounding board available.

She's Not Pregnant

When I tell people that Carrie and I are engaged, the first question is usually "How did you propose?" It's a touching story, actually.

Her landlord doubled her rent.

Being a bit old fashioned, I said, “I don't think we should move in together until we're about to get married. We should at least be engaged.” To which Carrie responded, “You mean, we're not engaged?” And I replied, “Umm... Yes? Yes we are.”

Put it in the scrapbook. It was such a non-event that we didn't mention it to anyone for weeks. Then Carrie decided to take a Jewish conversion class and we figured we should tell our parents.

Despite the sober beginnings of our engagement, we are thrilled about the prospect of being married, but the fucking wedding is another story altogether.

Over the last two weeks we have been torturing ourselves and each other trying to plan a wedding in the New York area. The Wedding Industrial Complex (WIC) is a ravenous beast. When we mention our budget - $15,000 - wedding planners look at us like a Lamborghini dealer would if you came in with the change you found buried in your couch. This blog is a chronicle of our quest. We hope that it entertains people other than us. And that we don't end up eloping or killing each other in the process.