It wouldn't be hard to have a Kosher wedding on a budget if we were going vegetarian, but I'd rather slit my wrists with a rusty soda can. Which brings me to Hoomoos Asli (100 Kenmare @ Cleveland). I used to have lunch at Hoomoos Asli all the time when I worked in the East Village. A big plate of good hoomoos,* with a generous portion of sauteed mushrooms and onions and a fluffy pita was around seven bucks. I'd never had hoomoos as an entree before; I was used to it as a dip next to the salsa and guac. For the record, yes, you can eat a whole plate of hoomoos and find it very satisfying. I also really liked their shwarma and salads, so, once I started paying attention to this sort of thing, I was very happy to see "WE CATER" on the back of the menu. I spoke to the owner, Sharon, back in November and he offered me an amazing price: $20/person for a buffet style affair, featuring a full selection of salads and appetizers and a wide selection of main courses. Whoa.
After doing nothing for the next three months, I set up a meeting at noon last Friday and, contrary to my usual practice, arrived on time. Apparently my reputation preceeded me, because Sharon did not. A half hour later he arrived and we reprised our earlier conversation. Yep, $20 a head. Yep, the selection is exactly as good as he said last time. Very cool. Except there were a lot of things that were going to be on the menu that I'd never had. I mentioned this. "It is very good," Sharon assured me. And then it got a bit uncomfortable.
I had been told that auditioning caterers is a great way to get a lot of free food. Nobody told Sharon. I have never grown out of being embarrassed by my parents' interactions with service staff. It isn't like they ever did anything wrong - they just made sure that they got what they paid for. Still, I couldn't bring myself to just ask for a sample. I was afraid of coming off like a schnorrer, so rather than simply ask, I implied interest in the most awful passive-aggressive way. Which, I think, now guarantees that he thinks I'm a schnorrer - and a pussy to boot. What is worse, on reflection I feel like he is right. Which isn't to say he shouldn't have been hustling out samples to me.
I ended up getting a schnitzel sandwich on the house, which was not as good as some of their other stuff and probably won't make the final cut. That said, Hoomoos remains the frontrunner to cater the wedding. I love the food (most of the time) and - so long as we can figure out a cheap way to get tables, chairs, linens and staff - the price is great. (He gave us a damn good quote for some of that also, but we are still looking for one vendor to handle it all.)
My mother has the numbers of a few full service Kosher caterers (including one that seems willing to work with any budget) but she has been somewhat lax in getting the information to me. (Blaming mother. How Freudian!) When we finally get around to visiting a caterer that can't wait to stuff us with samples until we pop, I'll report back.
* While this is clearly the same thing as "hummus," the spelling and pronunciation is rigorously enforced. I still haven't gotten around to asking them exactly the regional origin of the alternate pronunciation. Whatever. It is seriously good hoomoos.
