Another Fucking Wedding

Gary's Loft

Well, Charles and I have finally found a reception site, Gary's Loft. It's more than we had budgeted -- $3,200 for a Sunday -- but then every space was more than we budgeted.

Gary's Loft is a huge, nicely designed penthouse (5,000 square feet on one floor, plus an additional floor for the ceremony) with funky thrift-shop furniture. Unlike a lot of places, we can choose our own caterer and do our own liquor, which is how we're planning to cut costs. It's in midtown--so it'll be easy for out-of-town guests to reach. It not only has air conditioning and heating (many sites don't) but a fancypants stereo system. And it's a least $1,000 cheaper than any other comparable loft we could find (not exactly a bargain but affordable under our budget).

Charles and I also just really liked Gary, who strikes us as a reliable, no-bullshit type. He said he'd even give us a finder's fee if we refer someone to him. Sooooo if any of you reading this are looking for an event space, kindly mention our names....

A pineapple for me

In response to previous charges that Charles has no sense of romance, I stand by my man and present the following for your consideration:

One of my favorite recordings - ever - is Lotte Lenya and Jack Gilford's "It Couldn't Please Me More (A Pineapple)," recorded in 1966. (Listen to mp3) The lyrics are sweetly goofy (even a bit dada), but that's largely what I find so wonderful about it. The song is a duet from Cabaret, following a scene in which an eldery gentleman (Gilford) buys a pineapple for his "lady love" (Lenya). Upon receiving the gift, she is overwhelmed with emotion and begins singing:

If you bought me diamonds
If you bought me pearls
If you bought me roses like some other gents might bring to other girls
It couldn't please me more than the gift I see
A pineapple, for me!

I put this song on just about every mix CD I make, including one I made for Charles last year. And so, on the anniversary of our first date (last May), when he came to pick me up for dinner, he brought me... a pineapple!

Affordable reception sites around New York

I write this with the full understanding that the only people who'd possibly be interested are the 1 in 100 looking for NYC wedding/event spaces (which wouldn't be so bad if we had 100 readers)...but hey, what can you do. I've spent so long researching receptions sites, I have to tell someone.

These places have two things in common: a) they're among the best deals we could find in the city and b) we've ruled them all out. The prices listed below are just for renting the space; food, tables, chairs, dishes, etc. usually aren't included.

WOMAN'S CLUB OF MAPLEWOOD
$900 (7 hours) + incidentals
Woman's Club of Maplewood
60 Woodland Road
Maplewood, NJ 07040
(973) 762-9119

A friend told me about this beautiful reception hall with a high, arched ceiling. Of the places we've looked at, this was the only one that was architecturally interesting. It has a small but nicely secluded outdoor space. And the hall can seat up to 180. I loved it and, for the size, it was by far the cheapest raw space we could find. (There's also an upstairs room that you can use for the ceremony but it's a bit dank, with old carpet sticking up in places.) Ultimately, we ruled this one out for geographic reasons. Though only 2-3 blocks from NJ Transit, it's too far from New York for out-of-town guests and for the old folks in Long Island.

QUEENS FARM MUSEUM
$800 for Barn Complex (four hours)

Another affordable place. We ended up not visiting this one because the indoor space can only seat 110 (we need at least 120), but friends say the orchard makes for a beautiful setting and that the barn is a nice, clean space. If we were doing something smaller we probably would have done it here.

BOHEMIAN HALL & BEER GARDEN
$1,000 for 4 hours (for the outdoor park/garden)

Our friends Joe and Anita got married in the Beer Gardens (after meeting at a Stay Free! party, I'll have you know....) and it was great, but for one thing: it rained like hell. Fortunately, they rented a tent that was much larger than they needed, but it was still a bit cold and damp and the tent alone was $5,000, making the affordable catering deal not so affordable. Still, I like the unpretentiousness and non-glitziness of the place. And the rental fee includes tables and benches (I think).

You must use the restaurant's food, but that too is a real bargain - as little as $8 per person (and it's not bad). Unfortunately, we want to do something kosher-friendly and this place is a bit too aggressively non-kosher. I think they even butter the sausage.

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UPDATE (11/11/05): And the winner is... Gary's Loft in Manhattan. We thought this was the nicest space large enough, for the best price.

WAH Center

The Williamsburg Art & Historical Center, located in the historic former Kings County Savings Bank building, is an excellent artists' space. For receptions, it offers a relatively low site fee - $1,800 for one floor, $2,800 for two (both large open spaces), and a convenient location. Unfortunately, it is completely unsuitable as a wedding hall.

When Carrie and I arrived, there was a rummage sale going on. My eyes focused on the ratty 1984(?) NYC Marathon T-shirt on a hanger near the door. So much for first impressions.

Inside it got progressively more disappointing. Broken windows, warped floors and no air conditioning. No elevator. And it was dirty. Really dirty. Can't-touch-the-bannister dirty. I figured that the least I could salvage out of our trip to Williamsburg was a quick stop in the bathroom. If anyone needed any more convincing that the WAH Center just wasn't going to work, the bathroom did it.

That bathroom is a death trap: immediately behind an inward-swinging door were six steps leading down to two stalls, and no handrail. Even the warning sign didn't prepare me for the vertigo from the extreme dropoff. At the base of Machu Picchu was a sink and two stalls. Without doors. That are arranged like stadium seating. There is more, but I can't go on.

These problems could potentially be cured by next fall. But, alas, the people running the WAH Center have owned the building for 10 years and need $750,000 just to fix the exterior. I don't see a bathroom ending up high on the renovation list.

Double Life?

Victor Dubinsky: EXPOSED!

In Defense of Marriage Acts

Amidst the congratulations we've been receiving we've also gotten a surprising amount of criticism for even trying to put together a wedding that involves more than a blanket, a frisbee and a grill area in Prospect Park. I don't even know where to begin to respond to some of the responses.

One writer seems upset that we are worried that a venue "will offend [Carrie's] parents' sensibilities." Is that not a rational concern? Carrie and I have the sort of relationship with our parents (and each other's parents, for that matter) that we care about their sensibilities. Yes, it is our marriage, but it we are not the only people who matter.

Some people would agree that ignoring one's parents' wishes is selfish, but feel that they are entitled to be selfish about their wedding - I assume that this manifests itself as either too DIY (catering from White Castle, reception in meat packing plant) or so opulent (orchids, caviar in ice sculpture) that the parents can't see past the cost. Forgive me if I don't apologize because we'd like everyone to be happy when it is all over.

Were you married on the Intrepid by a retired judge? I hope you had a wonderful time. Did you invite your friends over to watch the Super Bowl with chips and guac and sneak in the pastor during halftime? I'm so glad that worked for you. Neither scenario is going to work for us. Because a more traditional wedding means more expense, we are trying to mitigate the costs.

Gowns? Cut flowers? Conspicuous consumption? All we want is to find a space we like that will fit at least 100 people who we very much want to be with so that we can all eat food we will enjoy and dance until we throw it up.

As it turns out, that is daunting too.

Issue Project Room

For the past two weeks I've been researching reception sites with one guiding principle in mind: While our parents don't have to love the space, it can't make them cry.

And for that reason, Issue Project Room was out. The room is small - 1,000 sq feet - and up a flight of stairs, which wouldn't work for the over-70 crowd. (Both my parents are in their 70s, as are their friends.) Plus, it's situated just off the Gowanus Canal, which is kind of like an industrial swamp. While the environs surrounding the Canal don't always smell like sewage, the odds on a warm day aren't good... which isn't to say that the funkiness of the area doesn't have its own kind of charm. I like the Gowanus. I walk across it often when I'm out delivering magazines. But it would make my mother cry.

I mention the Issue Project Room only because it illustrates how disillusioned I've become with the whole reception-site-hunting process after only two weeks. I must have called or emailed every "affordable" site in the city and even those are out of our price range. So I dug up the Issue Project Room contact info.

The Room is a nonprofit organization serving local artists; my friend Kurt knew one of the guys and recommended the place when I was organizing a party last year. It doesn't come with any amenities -- no tables, chairs, linens, etc. We would just be renting the space, so I figured it'd be cheap. At the very least, Charles and I could have it as a fallback. So I sent an email asking for a price quote.

And the response? Cost for an evening rental: $3,000. When I expressed surprise, I was told that the cost includes "a large outdoor territory." In other words: a swamp. It includes a swamp.

One down

We thought this would take longer, but we've found someone to officiate at the service. It's a relief. Now we can focus on the canapes.

To budget or not to budget

So Charles and I got engaged a couple of weeks ago, and since I'm your classic Type A personality, I immediately started to look into reception sites and expenses - even though the wedding is a good year away.

Man oh man. I had no idea... If the average wedding in the U.S. costs $24,000, the average wedding in New York must be twice that. But spending even $24,000 on a wedding is, for us, not an option. $24,000 is roughly what I earn in a year. Given the choice of taking a year off from work or having a traditional wedding, there's no question that I'd rather bank the money and buy time.

$2,000 for flowers = 50 hours laying out biology curriculum
$3,000 for photographer  = 75 hours of HTML coding
$400 on centerpieces = speaking at Ibiblio symposium in North Carolina
$1,000 for wedding dress = 25 hours of designing e-commerce website

It's widely known that the "wedding" version of anything - food, photography, invitiations - can be reliably estimated to cost 3x the price. A wedding reception costs more for a space rental than a party, etc.

Still, I can't bring myself to concealing my wedding planning when calling places for price quotes.... and it only makes me resent these businesses all the more because, somehow, if I don't say "wedding" I'm the asshole.

Anyway, in order to feel that my efforts to pull this thing off have some redeeming social value, I thought I'd periodically share some observations here. I doubt I'll be posting regularly or often, but it's nice to have a sounding board available.

She's Not Pregnant

When I tell people that Carrie and I are engaged, the first question is usually "How did you propose?" It's a touching story, actually.

Her landlord doubled her rent.

Being a bit old fashioned, I said, “I don't think we should move in together until we're about to get married. We should at least be engaged.” To which Carrie responded, “You mean, we're not engaged?” And I replied, “Umm... Yes? Yes we are.”

Put it in the scrapbook. It was such a non-event that we didn't mention it to anyone for weeks. Then Carrie decided to take a Jewish conversion class and we figured we should tell our parents.

Despite the sober beginnings of our engagement, we are thrilled about the prospect of being married, but the fucking wedding is another story altogether.

Over the last two weeks we have been torturing ourselves and each other trying to plan a wedding in the New York area. The Wedding Industrial Complex (WIC) is a ravenous beast. When we mention our budget - $15,000 - wedding planners look at us like a Lamborghini dealer would if you came in with the change you found buried in your couch. This blog is a chronicle of our quest. We hope that it entertains people other than us. And that we don't end up eloping or killing each other in the process.