Another Fucking Wedding

AFW in Park Slope Reader

Long time, no write (again) and even this isn't really writing. Instead it is just some self-promotion long after anything worth promoting is in the distant past.

That said, there is an article about our wedding and this blog in the curent Park Slope Reader (warning: it is a slow-loading .pdf). The article doesn't say much that we haven't said here already but it isn't like most of the Reader's readers have spent much time with the blog.

They also included a cool pic of the cardboard cutout in action and that alone is worth the price of the (free) magazine.

Apologies, apologies

Carrie and I are still together, still enjoying marriage, still renovating our home. We promise that we will write this weekend. In fact, I am only adding this to force us to write this weekend. We hope to post the following:

1) My wedding wrap-up

2) The Florida reception, hosted by Carrie's family

3) The life-size cardboard cutout of the two of us.

4) The sad, sad honeymoon saga. (As you can tell from the intro, happy ending. Sorry to kill the suspense.)

Coming soon. We promise.

Wedding Recap

Charles and I have been delinquent in writing our wrap-up, but, as excuses go, ours are pretty good: in the week following the wedding ("the honeymoon"), Charles found out he lost his job, we got in major car crash (we're fine, the car is not), and I got shingles. Sadly, I'm not making this up.

But moving onto week 3, all is well now. And I'm here to testify! You will, however, have to navigate my scattered comments.

AUFRUF

The fun began on Saturday with a service at Hillcrest Jewish Center - the aufruf - Charles and I were invited up to the bemah and given an Aliyah. Then, without warning, the rabbi and cantor grabbed us, started a small circle dance, and led the congregation in singing "Siman Tov, Mazel Tov" while people threw things at us. (It was candy.) My mom said my face was bright red. Afterward, we had a hearty lunch that Charles' mom organized for everyone at the temple.

OUT-OF-TOWNERS' DINNER

We wanted to do something special for out-of-towners and originally planned on a BBQ at our place. Fortunately, common sense got the better of us and we opted for eating out. The cheapest place we could find was Ben's Deli. I had zero expectation of quality -- the decor wasn't my thing -- but in the end couldn't have been happier. The food was great; we had a comfy private room; and our families and friends got along famously. It was a total blast. The bill? About $18 per person, including drinks, tax and tip!

MUSIC

Processional: "Theme from True Romance"
A comedy of errors. The aisle was too narrow -- especially considering Charles and I were each walking down with our parents. I kept tripping over my dress; my dad picked up the train so I could get through but it ended up like a leash (never wear a dress with a train - terrible!); we ended up stuck mid-aisle when the music ended. Everyone laughed and my parents and I scooted up to the Chuppa for the ceremony.

Recessional: "Mena Mena" from the obscure softcore film Sweden: Heaven or Hell, later made famous by The Muppets. This one really worked. People dug it.

CATERER

Wow. Hoomoos Asli did an awesome job....though, again, I had fairly low expectations. Prices for full-service caterers *start* at $100/head for dinner. And if you want kosher? Forget it. $125 and up. That price was so out of our league that we threw all caution to the wind and went with Hoomoos Asli -- a hole-in-the-wall Israeli joint -- for $25 per person (not counting drinks, which we did ourselves). I think we also paid $1,000 on top for labor. The caterers arrived over an hour late,  negating our cocktail hour -- but who cares, they were great. (Charles can say more about the food. That's his department.)

GARY'S LOFT

Loved it. Everyone did, except the guy who fell and shattered his hip.

DJs

Joe Garden (DJ Apertif), Anita Serwacki (DJ Meat Mistress), and Chris Karwowski (DJ Digestif): we love you!

MY FAVORITE THING

Hava Negilah. A beautiful moment. The DJs segued between different versions, including one with Connie Francis. I waited until a couple of minutes before the music started to warn my mom that she was going to be lifted up on a chair. (If I had given her more notice, she would have truly panicked.)

IN SUM

In the weeks leading up to the wedding, I seriously regretted going such a traditional route, at times even DREADING the actual event. But it ended up being the best time I can ever remember having. To have all (actually, most) of your friends and family in the same place at the same time was, literally, a once-in-a-lifetime thing. (It's all downhill from here.)

Thanks to everyone who came and especially to Kristen (my right-hand gal), Alexandra & Jim, Ryan, Michael & Carter, William Moree and Om Rupani (photographers), Steven & Wendy for all of their help. And to our parents for, well, everything.

Hello NY Post Readers

Carrie and I are featured in an article in the NY Post today about alternative wedding plans (registration might be required). Carrie is quoted quite a bit and comes off very well, I think.

I was pleased to see fellow comic Jennifer Dziura and her husband Lord Carrett featured in the article as well. I was less pleased to see that she and her husband were listed as "comedians" while I was listed as a "lawyer." Win some, lose some.

In any event, I am performing at Jen's comedy show on July 17 at 7:30 at Pete's Candy Store in Williamsburg.

Now our tale can be told

I don't know why we didn't post this when it came out* but we were featured in The Observer's Love Beat column back in October. You have to pay to read the article online** now, but since we aren't the biggest fans of copyright law - and it is about us anyway - the text of the article is below the fold.

* OK, I do. Carrie didn't want to admit that we did this...
** Yes, the article is about us; we were the second couple featured so our names aren't in the title.

A pineapple for me

In response to previous charges that Charles has no sense of romance, I stand by my man and present the following for your consideration:

One of my favorite recordings - ever - is Lotte Lenya and Jack Gilford's "It Couldn't Please Me More (A Pineapple)," recorded in 1966. (Listen to mp3) The lyrics are sweetly goofy (even a bit dada), but that's largely what I find so wonderful about it. The song is a duet from Cabaret, following a scene in which an eldery gentleman (Gilford) buys a pineapple for his "lady love" (Lenya). Upon receiving the gift, she is overwhelmed with emotion and begins singing:

If you bought me diamonds
If you bought me pearls
If you bought me roses like some other gents might bring to other girls
It couldn't please me more than the gift I see
A pineapple, for me!

I put this song on just about every mix CD I make, including one I made for Charles last year. And so, on the anniversary of our first date (last May), when he came to pick me up for dinner, he brought me... a pineapple!

In Defense of Marriage Acts

Amidst the congratulations we've been receiving we've also gotten a surprising amount of criticism for even trying to put together a wedding that involves more than a blanket, a frisbee and a grill area in Prospect Park. I don't even know where to begin to respond to some of the responses.

One writer seems upset that we are worried that a venue "will offend [Carrie's] parents' sensibilities." Is that not a rational concern? Carrie and I have the sort of relationship with our parents (and each other's parents, for that matter) that we care about their sensibilities. Yes, it is our marriage, but it we are not the only people who matter.

Some people would agree that ignoring one's parents' wishes is selfish, but feel that they are entitled to be selfish about their wedding - I assume that this manifests itself as either too DIY (catering from White Castle, reception in meat packing plant) or so opulent (orchids, caviar in ice sculpture) that the parents can't see past the cost. Forgive me if I don't apologize because we'd like everyone to be happy when it is all over.

Were you married on the Intrepid by a retired judge? I hope you had a wonderful time. Did you invite your friends over to watch the Super Bowl with chips and guac and sneak in the pastor during halftime? I'm so glad that worked for you. Neither scenario is going to work for us. Because a more traditional wedding means more expense, we are trying to mitigate the costs.

Gowns? Cut flowers? Conspicuous consumption? All we want is to find a space we like that will fit at least 100 people who we very much want to be with so that we can all eat food we will enjoy and dance until we throw it up.

As it turns out, that is daunting too.

She's Not Pregnant

When I tell people that Carrie and I are engaged, the first question is usually "How did you propose?" It's a touching story, actually.

Her landlord doubled her rent.

Being a bit old fashioned, I said, “I don't think we should move in together until we're about to get married. We should at least be engaged.” To which Carrie responded, “You mean, we're not engaged?” And I replied, “Umm... Yes? Yes we are.”

Put it in the scrapbook. It was such a non-event that we didn't mention it to anyone for weeks. Then Carrie decided to take a Jewish conversion class and we figured we should tell our parents.

Despite the sober beginnings of our engagement, we are thrilled about the prospect of being married, but the fucking wedding is another story altogether.

Over the last two weeks we have been torturing ourselves and each other trying to plan a wedding in the New York area. The Wedding Industrial Complex (WIC) is a ravenous beast. When we mention our budget - $15,000 - wedding planners look at us like a Lamborghini dealer would if you came in with the change you found buried in your couch. This blog is a chronicle of our quest. We hope that it entertains people other than us. And that we don't end up eloping or killing each other in the process.